The F Word

Monday

Well things are progressing apace with the bathroom. The plasterer was due to come on Wednesday, but as the outside wall is a little dodgy, Simon wants to remortar it up, so plasterer is coming on Monday instead.

The toilet, sink and bath were all dispatched to the tip at the weekend.  I had my last bath on Saturday night.  It's only Monday and already I'm craving my lovely bubbly water.  It's gonna be at least a month (likely longer) before I get the chance to have another one.

Still it will be worth it.  Tiles have been picked.  Mainly large white ones with some gorgeous, deep blue, small glass tiles - which will create a long vertical mosaic-ish panel on the wall where the bath goes, and another panel echoed on the opposite wall. Now that we don't have a cat that wees and poos everywhere, the laminate flooring is going.  I hate it in the bathroom.  Makes the room so cold.  A nice navy blue or deep teal carpet would look lovely in there.  Oh and we still need to choose our bath, toilet, sink and radiator.

On the 'other' front - I'm feeling much better today. I'm not sure there would be much benefit to me having another week off work despite being signed off so I will see how I am tomorrow and probably take myself back to work on Wednesday.

It's been a funny old week

Having spent the best part of the week off work on doctor's orders - it's been a strange old time.  Monday saw me finally give in to the emotion of Sylvia passing away in December. I'd kind of just got on with stuff, and had plenty to get on with, which helped me to keep all the unpleasantness in the background.  Once I had got my OU stuff out of the way though it was harder to keep everything under wraps and over the past couple of weeks I've felt things coming to a head.  I wasn't entirely surprised - its the same way I dealt with things when I lost my parents, a bit of a delayed reaction so I was half expecting it.  I took myself off to the Doctors on Tuesday who promptly put me on a fortnight's enforced leave and told me to spend time trying to get my head around things - rather than push it to the background.  Certainly easier said than done I have to say. 

Most of the week I felt pretty shell shocked - although I have gradually been coming out of myself the past couple of days and am a lot better than I was at the beginning of the week.  Facebook has helped enormously - it's good to have somewhere to be able to interact with folks when I haven't felt much like going out and there's lots of folks there who share positive things so it's been good to be able to focus on the good. 

I have felt terribly guilty about not being at work and was enormously touched by the lovely gift of a flowercard which came through the post today from the girls in my office.  They really are a smashing bunch of ladies and it really is an honour to work with them. 

I got some more lovely post today. Some cd's I had sent for (another 'cheer me up' strategy) and a 'Gorguss' postcard and bookmark from my long-suffering pal Rue, which was another lovely surprise.  What would I do without him!

Simon and the girls have been great - helping out around the house and generally just being nice.  There's even been a reduction in the number of family arguments this week - they must be feeling sorry for me - lol.

Had to go to the dentist today.  Urggghh.  I don't usually mind them, but I've not been for about 4 years, since my long-term dentist surgery decided to ditch their NHS patients and make everyone pay a monthly payment plan.  So - I just really didn't get around to sorting out a new dentist (there's none others in the area who will take NHS patients).  Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I finally got in touch with the dental helpline who keep a list of dentists who have NHS lists  and found out there are about 12 in the centre of Chestefield - woo hoo.  I rang the first one and was delighted when they could make me an appointment 3 days after the phone call.  I wasn't so delighted when I went along and was told that I needed to have a crown on one of my teeth though.

Mind you, to be fair, I have had a broken tooth for the past 5 years which I know will, at some point, start giving me some serious jip if I don't get it sorted soon - and I have to say this was my main motivation in sorting out a new dentist. 

Well, first of all I got lost on the way to the dentist.  I decided to park at Aldi on the same road as the surgery - only it turned out that it wasnt on the same road as the surgery.  Then I remembered that the road was the next one along, only it turned out not to be the next one along. Doh.  I phoned Simon because I couldn't for the life of me remember what the name of the road was, despite the fact that when I worked for the housing association, we had an office there which I sent post to daily.  Clarence Road had been wiped from my memory apparently!!!  I eventually found it, just a minute late for my appointment. 

I don't usually mind dentists too much, but then I've never had more than a filling done before, so there hasn't been too much to mind.  Today was an ordeal though. Urghhh - an hour of hard work.  He had to drill out my existing filling, build it up again, take some moulds and then put a temporary cap on.  Anyway, the worst is over now and I go back in a fortnight to have the real crown put on - which should just be a 10 minute job.

Despite enduring all of the above this doesn't guarantee me a place as a patient.  I may get a letter in 6 months time, when I'm next due an appointment inviting me to be on their list. I shall have to mark that one on the calendar, they may decide they don't want me, I did nearly throw up a couple of times (what can I say, the dentist has large fingers!) so it may be back to the drawing board again.

Reasons to be Cheerful 2011 - Part 1

Doug.ie posted an amazing short version of The Butterfly Circus over on the Wasting Land.  After struggling to get myself going mentally this morning it was just what I needed.  Starring Nick Vujicic - an amazing person whom I've seen on youtube many times (look him up) - it's a story of how a limbless man is transformed from being part of a freak show, showcasing his abnormal body, to a part of a circus where he learns what his strengths are and how to use them.  It's a very moving piece of film which had me in tears and ashamed that I was struggling even to get my head around getting out of the house today to go to the post office.

It was a reminder, that even when we don't feel effective in one area of life, that doesn't mean we can't be effective in another area.  I used to say that when I felt negative, that was the time to counteract it by doing something positive.  So today I've sent some emails that I meant to send earlier it the week, as part of a campaign to help a young lady and her daughter remain in the UK.  Leoni Mendi is originally from Cameroon. She fled there after the death of her father when she began getting death threats.  She befriended an English man on the internet who helped her escape to this country only to find he was part of a sex trafficing team.  She was smuggled here on and spent 4 months imprisoned and abused.  After becoming pregnant she was abandoned and tried to seek assylum.  She now lives in Newcastle and is the neighbour of one of my friends who is campaigning on her behalf.  Appeals to the Home Secretary and Nick Clegg have so far fallen on deaf ears.  Here's hoping things work out for her.

There is more information about Leoni here

Day 4 (Demolition Day)

Last night I started re-reading 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari', which I thought might give me a good sense of perspective.  Well last night it did, but I woke up this morning very disgruntled with everything.  Now that my focus is off the internet, it's on to other things, like the jobs that need doing in the house.  I know we've been otherwise occupied but I started feeling really frustrated that some things seem to have ground to a halt again.

Grumble, grumble, grumble. I wasn't sure how much of this was due to internet withdrawal symptoms, so I had a quick 10 mins on Facebook, but that didn't actually make me feel any better, so I decided that I needed a good talking to. After a bit of taking stock, I decided rather than grumble about it and find fault, that I would make in-roads into the first job (which we really should have had done and dusted by now). I guess  Mr Monk had finally rubbed off.

When we moved into the house, the bathroom was really nice, and fully tiled, so over the years there's really only been a lick of paint every couple of years that was needed,  However, that was 26 years ago, and  it's been looking very worse for wear in recent years.  It was top of our To Do list made at Christmas, but nothing has been moving so far.  So I decided to knock 7 bells out of it this morning. :-). It wasn't what I had originally planned to do today, which was food shopping and ironing, but I have to say,  it was good to get rid some of my disgruntledness on the tiles.  The plasterer has been phoned, and this week we'll sort out some new tiles and a suite. So there you go, marital crisis averted with the help of a claw hammer and chisel and a hell of a lot of dust.  And something constructive well under way.

 

Day 3!

Up bright and early and out shopping with Jenny to Chesterfield.  Clothes shopping for the holiday.  It's easier to go with the girls individually rather than together, because I invariably get pulled in 2 directions when it's all 3 of us.  Becky's turn next!

Successful shop, and also dropped off a load of books at Oxfam to - so that was my good turn for the day.  

Jenny is big into knitting just now - well, she has been for a while.  This afternoon, she presented me with this to try to unravel for her.  I gave up after 2 hours, and the ball being about a third bigger than it is in the picture.

Tangled up in blue

Spent a bit of time tonight on The Wasting Land arguing the merits/disadvantages of Facebook with Wooders. I quite enjoyed the to-ing and fro-ing, but it didn't help me not miss FB any less!  Probably not such a good idea really.  I am really, really missing the interaction and finding out what folks are up to - which in itself dismays me greatly.  I should be able to have at least a few days away without feeling the loss.  I guess I'm rather attached to them all.  It's weird, I can go on holiday, not have any contact with folks, and I'm fine, yet a self-imposed exile for a short while has the opposite effect.  And it's not like I've put a ban on all forms of communication either - there's email, the forum and even at a push, the telephone.  As much as I love FB I'm not sure I like that it has become the primary source of communication amongst most of my friends.

Still, my internet comsumption over the past few days has been dramatically reduced so that can only be a good thing. 

Life After Facebook. Day 2!

Well, that early night did me some good, I actually felt better getting up this morning, so that's a good start.

Not such good news when I arrived at work to find an email about the photography exhibition. I'd been told it was for 'interesting and quirky' photos, so decided rather than go for some of my better quality snaps, I would submit some of my 'I believe in Love' pictures - not the best technically but there was a bit of a theme which I thought would be interesting.  Well the email informed me of this wonderful photography event, which included  national and internationally renowned photographers who worked at the hospital and there would be stunning photos of landscapes, flowers and the likes.  I was beginning to have serious doubts about my suitability to exhibit - but decided to wander over to the Education Centre anyway, see what the other exhibits were, then make a decision based on that.  Unfortunately none of the displays had gone up yet and I was reassured by the receptionist that mine would be ok. That was just before she told me about the guy who has an observatory in his back garden and would be exhibiting pictures of the Milky Way!  Ha ha! Oh God.  In for a penny, in for a pound.

After knocking off at lunch time I wandered over to see the exhibition in all of it's glory.  At least there wouldn't be anyone I knew there, all my workmates had either gone to a meeting or were covering the office.  WRONG!!!  As soon as I walked in there were two of the higher admin bosses who spotted me straight away.  Fortunately they hadn't seen my photos yet - neither had I, and as I went from room to room I was beginning to think the organisers had deemed my humble shots, as not good enough.  I deliberately went the opposite way around the exhibition room to my bosses - to avoid the inevitable embarrassing comments - but somehow we ended up in the last room together, right in front of my pics.  They were very complimentary and said they made  a refreshing change to the other photos there, but I think they were just being nice.

So, homeward bound to the news that my pal Doug.ie was indeed a father again.   Welcome Sean Matthews, born on St Patricks Day - in Ireland to Irish parents - how cool is that? 

Still feeling the withdrawal symptoms especially after the above news, but posted a message on the Wasting Land forum and went off to do something constructive.   Cleaned both bathrooms, put some washing in and the tackled another of my wardrobes.  This one has a load of craft boxes at the bottom of it which needed a good sort out so I did that, then set about trying to make a card for the new baby.  Some days I get more inspired than others when it comes to card making.  I was fairly inspired today for the design, but try as I might I couldn't cut anything straight.  I used the cutting mat with all the markers on it to line everything up, but it just wasn't working, so I gave it up as a bad job.

Great news - we have Jenny home tonight.  Simon is heading off to Cambridge about 2.30 to go pick her up so they should be back around 8.00pm.  I had a quick dust of her bedroom so it's all nice for her, and ordered a curry for them to pick up on the way home.  Can't wait to have her home -six whole weeks - how wonderful!

Life After Facebook! Day 1

I've got back into bad habits and found myself sitting on Facebook night after night.  I'm getting bored of my own status updates, so goodness knows how everyone else must feel, suffering the endless posts by yours truly.  Anyway, I still need an outlet, so I thought I would document what I've been doing instead of frequenting the social network that we can't live without.

So day one - went ok.  Disabling my account was definitely the way to go though, rather than just not going on the page - the number of times I 'accidentally' clicked the FB link on my drop-down menu is unbelievable, and it would have taken me straight there if I hadn't deactivated.

I arrived at work in the morning and within half an hour had two texts from folks expressing their concern -which was very lovely, although a little sooner than I would have anticipated as I'd only just deactivated the night before.   Still it's nice to know I've been missed so quickly!

So - mornings are easy, as I'm at work and FB is banned (thank goodness).  The afternoon was taken up with a flying visit to Tesco's.  I found out yesterday that we are having a photography exhibition at work on Friday and one of the girls suggested that I submit a few photos.  Mad panic ensued.  Yesterday I decided which photos to have done, and today it was zip along to Tescos to get them printed.  I had to be back in Dronfield for 1.30 to have my eyebrows done so there wasn't much time to throw down some cheese on toast before I was out of the door again.

On our recent trip to London I'd bought a National Trust jigsaw so decided that rather than let it sit gathering dust for months, that could be my first non-Facebook task.  It took me about 3 hours and I was left with 3 spaces and 3 pieces that just didn't fit. (The three threes clash!). Honestly, I looked and looked to see where I had gone wrong, but everything seemed to be in the right place.  So I called in reinforcements and within about 30 seconds Simon had identified the rogue pieces and put it right. I need to pay closer attention to detail.

Here's the completed thing.

Well - that was the afternoon sorted and I still had the whole of the evening to go and was seriously starting to feel the withdrawal symptoms.  Time to do some clearing out I think.  I've had piles and piles of books in my bedroom, awaiting the construction of our new bookshelves (yet to be done) so decided to have a sort through of 'read', 'not read but going to' and 'half read and never gonna get finished so might as well donate them to a good cause'.  I tidied out the top of one of my wardrobes and stacked up all the books I'm keeping.  Out of the wardrobe came a load of smellies, shower gel, bath salts that sort of thing, that had been stockpiled and got forgotten about, so they now live in the bathroom where they should actually get used.
Now that the books had moved I could actually get to my dressing table to tidy the rest of that up.  It's all looking very spick and span and I always feel better when I start to get the house organised.

 

Some of the 'keepers'

 

 I can actually see the surface now!

Next up was bath time and catching up on reading my music Mags. A wonderful article about Woody Guthrie in The Word inspired me to order another book: '33 Revolutions Per Minute' and also a cd 'The Little Red Box of Protest Songs' - really looking forward them arriving.

I've been waking up so, so tired every morning for the past few weeks so decided to have an early night.  9.30 in bed with half an hour of crossword puzzling before I went to sleep, and there we go, I have survived Day One!

First of the Year

First walk of the year was also the last (documented) walk of last year that Simon and I did together back at the end of October. It was a spur of the moment thing, woke up to sunshine this morning and decided that we needed to get back into to, but nothing too strenuous.  We did the same walk as last time, but in a clockwise direction, and with  photos of a few things that I'd missed previously.  It was cold, very windy with some ice underfoot in places, but just what was needed to get my brain back into gear after a very difficult Christmas.

Longshaw Hall

 

Remnants of snow

A withered red rose was lying on the ground next to a stone seat.  I'd love to know the story behind it. Maybe it was an object of unrequited love - carelessly cast aside by a scornful lover.  Maybe it was a memorial to someone gone but not forgotten.  I'm going with the memorial I think.

 

 Unseen subterranian terrorists litter the grass with periscopes as blind as themselves.

 Walk on by water-flow by crow-flight. By night, by star, by satellite. By map, by stone. And so to home.

 There were half a dozen trees, the bases of their trunks kept warm with mounds of conifer cuttings, and piles of logs. Simon thought it might be to provide some habitat for the wildlife during the winter.  I don't know.

  

Heather Thraves loved to walk here. She was born the same year I was, but lived a shorter life. I hope it was a good one filled with all good things.

 

The stone and the wood.

Back out on the Beat

Having not really done much walking, or indeed exercise  for the past week, I thought I had better get myself into gear and have another wander around the town.  It was drizzling when I set off but I wasn't going to let a little thing like a bit of rain put me off.  Wishfully armed with my camera, and making sure the battery was charged and the memory card was in this time, I set off.

I followed pretty much the same route as last week, but decided to take a detour up one of the more hilly streets as I was feeling guilty at having been so slovenly all week.  Having already ruined one camera by using it in drizzly conditions, I was a bit reluctant to take any pictures but did risk one or two. 

I love autumn - it used to be my favourite season, but I hanker after the sun more than I used to so summer is fast taking over, but I do try to get out and take some autumnal photos at least once during the season.  The weather is getting colder and windier and the leaves are rapidly being shaken from their boughs so I suspect there won't be many more opportunities to capture this explosion of colour.

All the leaves are brown ...

So there we go, I managed to get a small few photos, and my camera didn't fizzle and die on me.

The other thing of note that made me smile was a basket full of cooking apples.  They were propping open a garden gate on the high street, and a sign in the basket said 'Free'.  Sadly it was raining too much at this point for me to risk taking a photo but it was a lovely thing to see right in the middle of our town and made my day.