Decisions

I usually avoid going public with the negative stuff, but as I'm not sure there's actually anyone who reads this, and in the interests of appearing a more balanced person here goes.

It's not been a good week.  After the trip to Spain, we took Jenny back down to Uni on Monday and then I sort of plummeted.  Despite having kept on going to work all the way through Sylvia's illness last year, and the past few months since she passed away, I've been finding it increasingly difficult.  I've been trying to push it down and just cope but I've just got to the point where I can't deal with another cancer notification letter first thing in the morning, or just be in the department that deals with that sort of thing.

Today was particularly difficult at work. I already had an HR meeting booked, which was fine, and once we'd got the procedure of my recent absences out of the way, we spent more time talking about what could be done to help me get through my difficulties.

So I've got 4 options.


1.  Get signed off sick.
2.  Take a month's unpaid leave
3.  Take a career break for a few months
4.  Leave and try to find another job


I've got a few days off as its a long bank holiday weekend to have a think and decide what would be best.  I have loved my job over the past few years - it was just what I needed after my Dad died, got me back on track and helped me to feel that I was making a small contribution to something worthwhile again.  My team are great, and the girls have been so supportive.  But at the moment, mentally, I just can't cope with being there.

Malaga!

Friday was going to see us heading down to the coast around the Malaga area.  We reckoned that even though it was Good Friday, the resort would very likely be open and bustling.  Well, yesterday Kevin looked up the weather forcast for us and Malaga was due to have thunder and lightening all day Friday.  So that put an end to those plans.

No shops open and nowhere to go was a bit naff.   Simon had put on his favourite all time film - Field of Dreams so we both watched that before the girls emerged from their beds.  As usual, we were both in tears at the end of it.  It made me think a bit of Distant Warning and all the people who have come and gone through the forum there, and how sometimes we don't need someone to believe in, but to know that there is someone to believe in us, and give us the confidence to achieve our dreams.  It really is a tremendous story and made me think a lot. Again.

We did venture out in the afternoon to drive to some picturesque reservoirs a few miles away from Estepa.  I managed to get some final photos.

Castle at Teba

Random tree that I snapped from the car window

There were poppies everywhere, which was lovely to see, so I had to get the obligatory photos of those.

Poppies!

Also we kept seeing sings for El Saucejo which just made me giggle.  I made Simon drive around the roundabout 3 times until I got a photo with all of the sign in.   Holiday hysteria had probably set in at that point.It was good to get out but it wasn't really what we had wanted to do the last day of our holidays.

This made me laugh

Some of the miles of olive groves we saw everywhere

So to recap on the week no Alhambra Palace, no Seville and now no Malaga, and a case of severe sunburn for half of the week - what a disaster!  On the plus side, we had a chilled out week, didn't argue much, and have an excuse to go back again.

More rain, so I cobbled together a meal with the remnant of our food supplies - not even The Bone Cafe was open today; packed, watched a bit of telly and gave the house a good sweep out and clean around before settling down for the night ready for an early start home in the morning.

Roll on America!

Seville!

Up relatively early for a day in Seville!  The plan was to visit the Cathedral, shops and take a boat trip along the river.  But the best laid plans as they say ...

As we approached the outskirts of Seville the heavens opened and the rain came down in buckets.  We parked a little way outside of the centre of town for a while to see if the rain would subside but it didn't and the skies didn't look like it was going to pass over any time soon.  Added to this we noticed that all of the shops we'd passed were decidedly closed and boarded up.  Hmmm.  We began to think that we might have lost a day somewhere at the beginning of the week, and this was Good Friday, which we knew would have meant everywhere was closed down.

There wasn't much more to do except to head back to Estepa, get the last bit of shopping in, replenish the fridge with the drinks we'd used and chill out there.  We managed to find a MacDonalds open just outside of Seville and had loads of fun trying to find out whether they had any veggie options.  'Vegetariano' was just producing blank stares from the staff and my hand gestures just made them laugh so I settled for 'papas frittas' instead. 

Back in Estepa we made our way to the Supermercado to stock up for the final couple of days.  It was shut.  It doesn't even shut for siesta time usually.  Simon paid a visit to Hazel and Kevin who sheepishly revealed that it was Maundy Thursday and also a bank holiday, and they did mean to tell us the day before, but thought we were out all day ...   Mild panic ensued.  A quick inventory of the food in the house revealed half a packet of pasta, one tomato, a bit of cheese, and some biscuits I'd bought to take to work for the girls there.  There was loads of pop and beer, so at least we could get drunk if nothing else.

Hazel mentioned that one bar would be open later and serving food - The Bone Bar.  We did wander down there in the evening, and Becky came out of her shell and helped us order our food.  Jenny went for Scrambled Eggs with Asparagus, I went for the same but with Mushrooms.  Becky and Simon went for chicken and chips.  When the meals came, both the scrambled eggs had the veg but also loads of little bits of bacon mixed in with it.  Oh not good!!!!   Jenny wouldn't even eat hers, so that was chips for lunch and for tea for her today.   I managed to pick out most of the bits of bacon and eat the rest.   I explained to the waiter when he looked askance at our half eaten plates that 'Yo no comer carne' and he just looked at me in disgust and rolled his eyes.  Hazel had warned me at the beginning of the week that the locals didn't understand the concept of 'vegetarian'.    

We stayed for a while and the place filled up with loads of locals which was nice, and there was a great atmosphere with Spaniards of all ages chatting and passing the time of day.  Pudding was cornetto's - we made the waiter giggle trying to order those, but managed it in the end.  The cafe's in Estepa really are cafe's - we didn't find much in the way of a proper restaurant, but it made do when there wasn't really any other option!

Wednesday 20th April

Another chill out day, but I was a bit bored.  I'd been on Facebook a couple of times over the past few days, mainly to post my Doubev photo and to keep up with how the Big Country Ireland gig had gone, and I got a text telling me that I'd spent £20.42 so far.  Eeek!!  Fortunately, my service caps their roaming charges at £42 in Europe, so I wouldn't have been able to go any higher than that, but I decided that I'd already spent enough, and would have Simon freaking out at me as it was.  Which reminds me.  I still need to confess that one before he gets the bill.

So, as mentioned earlier, I ended up nicking Simon's John Grisham book and sat and read that in a day.  Simon and I went up for a walk to the top of the hill behind the town in the afternoon.   Estepa is famed for two things, the lovely sweets and biscuits it makes which are renowned throughout the whole of Spain, called polvorones and mantecados.  It's also famous for a mass suicide of 2,000 people which took place just before the Romans occupied it but we'll pass over that bit quickly though, and concentrate on the sweets!

At the top of the hill is  the Church of Santa Maria and also the  Convent of Santa Clara.  It's a silent order of nuns and one of the things they do is make the famous sweets and biscuits. There is a door with a small opening in it where you put your money, a handle is turned, off goes your pennies and out comes the biscuits, and nobody has to say a word.   I was looking forward to this particular transaction, but despite finding the convent we couldn't find the door anywhere.  There was another doorway that was open onto a courtyard, so I sneaked inside and took some photos of the lovely icons on the walls - but there wasn't anyone around to ask about the biscuits, so we just had a good look around the castle and the outside of the convent.

Back at the chateau I made some pasta for tea then we helped Becky with some revision - she has her GCSE's when she gets back and had brought some of her study books with her.  One of her English Language tasks is to read J B Priestley's play 'An Inspector Calls'   We'd decided that a good way to encourage her would be to all take parts and read through the play with her (she hates reading).  It was hilarious.  We all had 2 parts, Simon was Arthur Birling, the father, and also Gerald, the chap who wanted to marry Athur's daughter. Well, just about the first half of the first act was just the 2 of them talking to each other.  Simon had used different accents for each of the parts, and we were just creased up laughing as he got them muddled up.   Not sure whether Becky learned anything to be honest, but it did make for a hilarious evening.

Granada!

There were two things I really, really wanted to do on this holiday.  One was to visit Seville - in fact we wanted to stay in Seville but with this being Holy Week, you couldn't get accommodation for love or a reasonable amount of money.  The second was to visit the Alhambra Palace in Granada.  We'd been advised to book on-line before we went, which we tried to do, but they were totally sold out.  Apparently they do limit the number of visitors to the palace and tickets can be quite hard to get.  Again with it being Holy Week, the place was crawling with tourists.  Not to be deterred we decided to go to Granada anyway, and see if we could park near the palace and have a look around the grounds. But nope - the car park ticket said they were completely booked out and we had 10 minutes to leave the car park.  I did get this nice photo of the orange groves by the car park though.

Instead we headed down to the city centre to do some shopping.  Granada really is the city where the paths are paved with marble. It must be quite daunting in the winter if they get a bit of ice though - I almost went flying a couple of times - beautiful as the streets are, it can be a little dodgy trying to walk on them!

Marbled walkway

Pebble border

We found a market off the main shopping area and picked up some souveniers to bring back for friends and relatives.  Just after leaving the market my hand was grabbed by a gypsy who started telling my fortune in Spanish.  I did keep saying to her 'no Euro, no Euro', as Simon had all the holiday money on him and he'd wandered off, but it fell on deaf ears.  She gave me a sprig of Rosemary and told me that I had 2 children (no shit Sherlock, they'd just walked out of the market with me) and that I would have 2 grandchildren, and she kept saying 'Amore' and patting my stomach (she may actually have been Italian - it was kinda hard to tell). Then she gestured for me to give her some money, and I felt bad, and repeated my 'no Euro', so she snatched the Rosemary off me and wandered off in disgust.  Meanwhile, Simon and the girls were over the other side of the plaza killing themselves laughing, the sods.

The Market

 We found a nice open air cafe to eat in another plaza just around the corner from the market, and, surpise, surprise, the only veggie options were pizzas, yet again.  It was very nice though, and good to sit down and rest our feet after out little shopping expedition.

Granada is full of old, ornate church buildings; there seems to be one on every street corner.  They were magnificent.  We wandered up to the old part of the town to Plaza Nueva - which is where the old customs house is situation, and near the start of the Muslim quarter of the city.  Once again the whole plaza is paved with marble, although some of it looked like it had seen better days. 

Plaza Nueva

 

I picked up a book about the Alhambra Palace, and we've decided we will definitely return again to get to see it.  We have some friends who have a small apartment in Bellamaderia, which is within driving distance of Granada, so we just need to wait until flights to Seville are cheap again and we'll be going back.  Top tip though, it's a lot cheaper to fly to Seville than it is to Malaga, and they're only about 2 hours apart.

Monday 18th April

Another sunny but windy day. Went for a walk around Estepa which is in fact an extremely beautiful town.  The main road is a little ramshackle but the residential areas and plazas are immaculate and the white washed houses so clean and crips.  I felt like we were walking through Monaco, not some little town in southern Spain.    Estepa is about an hour North of Malaga and the sea, but we kept expecting to see the sea at every turn.  The one thing that was sorely missed from the holiday.

Instead we have row upon row of olive groves as far as the eye can see, and in fact, stretching for miles and miles as we were to discover when we ventured further afield later in the week.

As it is Holy Week, the town is preparing for the passion pilgrimages which will be held daily in the town.  A lot of the residential balconies are adorned with pictures of Jesus, Mary or a favoured saint.

 

One of Estepa's churches preparing for the Holy Week Processions

Hazel had told us that one of the processions would be coming right through our Plaza later on Monday night - and advised us to turn our lights out when they came.  Something to look forward to!   I was sat reading in the living room in the afternoon when there was a very loud knock at the door.  What my Mam would have called a 'money knock'.  She would have been right!  I opened the door and nearly jumped out of my skin.  There was a chap dressed in a white monks robe with a black pointed hood covering his head.  He looked like he had walked straight out of  a Klan meeting in the deep American south.  He turned out to be one of the penitents who would be walking later, and they were collecting money for the poor.

Scary Klans Man!!

We had tea at one of the local cafes - the Vulcano Cafe.  Pizzas all round (just about the only veggie food they served).  Not the most salubrious of venues - but the owner was pleasant and appreciated our bungled attempts at a bit of spanish and it got us fed and watered. 

We were back in plenty of time to see the parade pass by.  The square started filling up with local people around 10pm and at about 10.30 you could hear the sound of a solitary drum beat a little way off.  It was a little eerie seeing rows of cassocked people, walking silently through the plaza.  There was a shrine almost opposite our front door, where the procession stopped to pay silent homage to the effigies therein.  We had a grandstand view from our bedroom window, and I was just about to go back in when a huge flower decked float passed by with a life-size statue of Mary holding the broken body of Jesus across her lap.  It was a solemn and moving experience, and I felt a little like an intruder sharing it with so many of the locals.

Shine on Plaza Del Aire

Silent Procession of Penitents

Mary with body of Jesus

Sunday 17th April

We were all pretty exhausted from work/uni/school/life in general and it was around 1pm before we all surfaced from our respective beds.  Croissants for breakfast then straight into bikini to get a bit of sun on the top deck.  Whilst the sun was definitely blazing the wind was also blowing a gale and I ended up with a very burnt tummy, shoulders and chest.  The next 3 days would be spent well covered up with lots of eeks and ouches.

Apart from doing a bit of reading and drinking we didn't venture very far.

My choice of holiday reads were The Second Coming - John Niven, Tom Holt's 'Snow White and the Seven Sumari and a Jasper Fford book.  Whilst the Niven book looked really good I wasn't sure whether I would like it or not so the other 2 books had been pilfered from Jenny's book case as back ups.  As it turned out I really loved The Second Coming, and couldn't get into the other two books at all.

I ended up pinching a couple of books that Simon had brought and read.   John Grisham's 'Theodore Boone' is an easy read aimed at teens and Sam Bourne's 'The Last Testament', this was a little Dan Brown-ish, but a lot more believable. I thoroughly enjoyed both and would definitely recommend them.

Estepa!

Up bright and early with a 4.00am start - urggghhh!  Showered, up and out for 5.00am, with the Sav Nav pointing in the direction of East Midlands Airport.  The flight was great, and passed really quickly, the only thing of note was whilst at EMA, I found myself heading up an escalator which I thought would take us to passport control.  (It didn't it went exclusively to Burger King).  When I realised that nobody was following me, I did a u-turn and jumped, scrambled, stumbled back down as the escalator was trying to carry me up.  I disembarked trying to look non-chalant and cool, and like, you know, doesn't everbody do stuff like that all the time, but with the other 3 family member rolling on the floor - I'd blown it.

We landed at Seville Airport around 11.30am local time, and went to find out where to pick up our hire car from.  The company consisted of a campe van with side roof open operating from one of the car parks.  An hour later we picked up the keys and found our Kia and headed off in pursuit of the A-92 which would take us to Estepa.

Once we found the main road the drive was easy - easier for me as I was in the front passenger seat - but the road was fairly a quiet and it was literally following it for an hour until we hit Estepa.  We did drive around the town once, twice, oh go on then I will admit to three times, before we sussed out the one-way system and how to actually get to the plaza where we were staying.

Plaza Del Aire was finally located and our agents, Hazel and Kevin who lived over the road, contacted.  They were quite a gregarious couple who used to live in Portsmouth but had settled in Spain some 7 years ago.  As well as looking after a couple of holiday lets in the town, Hazel translates menus in the local bars and cafes and is also an artist.

Plaza Del Aire - our apartment is on the right

To say our house was gorgeous is an understatement. Once inside it was laid out similar to a terrace house would be here in the UK, with the front door opening straight into the living room, which in turn led to an open plan kitchen. Bedrooms were on the 2nd Floor and the 3rd floor had a 2nd shower and opened onto a beautifully tiled roof terrace, complete with hot tub.  Hazel and Kevin spent a good half hour showing us around and giving us loads of local tips, where to eat, where NOT to eat, and the friendliest bars etc. They also gave us a quick weather report:  very windy for the next 2 days (Plaza Del Aire aptly named), a bit of rain on Tuesday but sun, sun, sun the rest of the way. Yippee!

Gorgeous kitchen - and asparagus!

Whilst talking to Hazel we met some old local ladies who had been off picking some mountain asparagus.  Hazel and I went half on a generous handful, which I was really looking forward to eating with scrambled eggs for breakfast the next morning.  I was feeling all local and with it, but not so much when got around to cooking the asparagus -which turned out to be completely inedible. Unless you had the incisors of a horse. Which I don't.

Beautiful sun terrace (but very windy!!)

 
Quick change into the bikini and a tongue in cheek photo opportunity in the jaccuzi with bottle of plonk labelled up for the Doubev lads back home. (Cheap Cava from the local supermarket - at 1.50 Euro a bottle, I ended up getting through a few!)

Doubev!

I could very easily get used to this!

I think I'm going to sign up for the next stage of the OU course that I did this year.  It's more of the same of what I did before, but this bit will count towards a degree, should I decided to do one of those later on.  The course is called The Arts: Past and Present and the subjects covered are Reputations (studying Christopher Marlow's Dr Faustus and also the artist Paul Cezanne); Traditions and Dissent (Plato, the Reformation and the invention of tradition in Ireland); Cultural Encounters (The relationship between art and colonial history) and finally Place and Leisure (what is the meaning and history of leisure).

I've decided to send for the books on the reading list, whether I do the course or not they should be interesting in themselves and most of them arrived today.

So we have:

The Faber Book of Beasts (Paul Muldoon)
The Burial at Thebes (Seamus Heaney)
Dr Faustus (Christopher Marlowe)
A World of Difference (Lynda Prescott)
Bhaji on the Beach (DVD)

I really enjoyed my last courrse Making Sense of the Arts - it was quite varied and I learned so much from it and it would be really nice to build on that knowledge and take it a bit further.

~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~

 

 

The new eating regime has fallen at the first hurdle.  I treated myself and the girls to a Pizza Hut last night at Meadowhall - big fail there then.  Today hasn't been that much better either, having not stuck to my eating regime at all - and having just demolished a bar of Galaxy chocolate.  We'll try again tomorrow though.

Beautiful, beautiful sunny day today - it's lovely out there.  Just thought I would do a quick update while I'm waiting for Becky to do her papers, then we're off to Meadowhall to get her some holiday clothes.

Work zipped by - which was great - I had a meeting with Tracey and asked if I can reduce my hours by dropping Friday mornings -I'm only in there 3 and 3/4 hours so it hardly seems worth it and I have a million things I could be doing with the time. That and I fancy the idea of a permanent 3 day weekends :-) .  She's getting back to me - they might need someone to pick up the extra hours, or they might decide that it can come under 'cut-backs' - hopefully it will be a yes though.

Mowed and strimmed the lawn this afternoon.  It's been on Simons list of a million and one things to do, but he's pretty pulled out with work at the moment, so I thought it would be good to show willing.  I can't wait for our first BBQ out on the decking. Mind you it needs a good brush and scrub.  Loads of little jobs in the garden to be done -if the weather stays nice I'll try and work my way through them over the next few days.

The bathroom is well and truly plastered - which means we now have a thin film of dust EVERYWHERE in the house.  I've hoovered up after the guy - it was a bit of a mess - and will do a big dust later on if we get back from Meadowhall at a reasonable time. Otherwise it can wait until tomorrow.

Day 1 of the new eating regime is going well.

I'm starving.

Here we go again - wish me luck!

I've decided to have another push on the Tesco Diet thingywotsit.  Around May last year I was getting awful upper abdominal pains, and the doctor thought I might have a hiatal hernia.  He said that the best way to control it was to lose a bit of weight which I did and it's been fine for the most part.  I lost a stone - but have put about 5lb back on and I'm starting to get the discomfort again.  So it's time to lose more weight.

I thought about signing back up with Tesco's - they have an offer on at the moment £30 for 6 months, which really is a great bargain. But as I have all my weekly menu plans, and as that's the main thing I use - I should be able to just follow those and see how we get on.

So, shopping list made and it's off to Tesco's we go.

It really is a great system though.  You put in the sort of diet plan you want  i.e. Vegetarian (like me), Light Bites, etc., whether you want to have all ready made meals, make your own or a combination of both (I went for a combination of both).  You can put in whether you want to include some alcohol, and how many  drinks per week.  It then calculates how many calories per day you're allowed (1300 here) - and then generates a week of menus.  You can change any meal on the menu from an extensive drop down list, and there is always a great choice.  There's also a daily snack, and I found last time that the portions are usually pretty generous so I didn't ever go hungy.  Save your plan then click another button and it brings up a shopping list.  Tick off the things you dont already have in the cupboard and you have your final list.  You don't have to shop at Tesco's either.  There's a drop down list of different supermarkets to choose from.

I love it.  I'm doing it for the next couple of weeks until we go on holiday, then will resume it when we get back.  I'll let you know how I get on and hopefully I can get the hernia (if that is indeed what it is) under control again.

I am ...

Buggered!

Well today at work was much better  and I feel in a better frame of mind all round.   Back up to speed with the typing - 29 letters this morning, my target is 18 - so I got that done easily.  Had a group photo with my lovely work colleagues for my 30 day photo challenge over on my 'She Shoots'  photo blog - so I'm pleased to say I'm keeping up with that so far.  Today's challenge is to post a photo of something green - I'll have to go and have a hunt around later on this afternoon to see what I can find.

So far so good with the new kitchen rule too.  For the most part everyone is putting their stuff straight in the dishwasher - which just keeps the whole room looking a lot more tidy.  Which is great.  Today's task is to hit the hot spots - those places where little piles of paper, mail, and bits and pieces accumulate.  There's one here on the dining room table in front of me now - look ... a jigsaw, some craft magazines, mail, scissors, hair band, safety pin, pile of sewing ...

So - time to sort it out.  On a quick check around the house, I have a similar pile of stuff on the stairs, and one on the chest in the hall.  In proper FlyLady style I will set my timer for 15 mins, and get them sorted.

Back to Work Day

Well I managed it.  Up with the dawn and out to work. I was extremely nervous about going back, but as I knew they would be, everyone was really, really lovely.   I had my 'back to work review' with Tracey, which was as I expected it would be.   She was lovely, but because of my recent absences I will very likely have to go through the HR process.  Again.  Deep joy.

After a bit of thinking the past few days, I've decided that it's being put in a position where I have to talk about Sylvia that is the worst thing.  It's not something I've actually verbalised very much - maybe I should have earlier.  I don't know.  When somebody asks though, that's when it all starts to come to the surface - that and now that I haven't anything like OU to keep me busy.  I know it's better out than in, but I really don't want to burden anyone else with it - people have enough problems of their own without me adding to them.  A couple of people have mentioned getting in touch with Cruse to organise some berevement counselling - and I think that's a good idea.  That way, I can dump it all on a professional, don't have to be embarrased if I cry, shout, rant or rage or whatever (I will probably just cry), and then come away with my dignity intact and hopefully start to get some of this stuff sorted out.

So I rang them today, and they have a 6 week waiting list.  Bloody hell.  We will just have to see how I get on in the meantime then. 

It's been a funny old day.  Quite industrious considering I didn't get up until 11 or dressed until 1pm.  Once the girls had surfaced - they called me into the front room to give me a bunch of flowers and loads of Lush products for Mothers Day. 5 bath bombs and some of my favourite Miranda (as in Carmen) soap.  I can't use the bathbombs until the bathroom is finished but that's something to look forward to.

Simon's been banging away in the bathroom all day - removing the bricks under the window as the mortar was non existent. He's not quite finished, but should be before the plasterer comes on Wednesday (yes, it got put back again!).  Our plasterer is called Richard Scarlet and he always reminds me of Cluedo.  So on Wednesday it will be Mr Scarlet in the bathroom with a spanner (ok he's a plasterer and not a plumber, but allow me a little bit of artistic licence please!).

So, most of the washing went through the machine, and most of it got ironed this afternoon.  How industrious. We put some bagels in for lunch and I made fajitas for tea. I forgot to take the strawberry gateau out of the freezer in time to defrost, so we had that around 9pm.  My sink is shining, the bedding has been washed and the beds all made, and most of the house is pretty organised and I've instituted a new kitchen rule for us all to try. Instead of putting dirty pots on the benches, or worse still, other people leaving them in the living room/their bedrooms for me to clear - we're all responsible for our own pots now and they go straight in the dishwasher. We will see how long that one lasts :-)

You'd think having got to the age of 50, I would either have an ultra organised house, or have resigned myself to the fact that I hate housework so it gets done when it gets done.  But no - I'm still plugging away trying to be better. There's even an internet site dedicated to people such as me, and it is sooo good.  It's called FlyLady - solely for the purpose of encourage you to get organised by introducing one or two baby steps every few weeks until before you know it, you have a bit of a routine going.   I signed up to the site a couple of years ago and it helped a bit, but lost the regular mailings when I changed my email address. I've rediscovered them through a friend on Facebook and decided to give it another go.  So far so good.

Tomorrow I'm going back to work.  I have no idea how I am going to get up at 6.30 am after having been a slob for the past fortnight but I daresay I will.  I'm a bit nervous going back, but it's started to be counter productive being off so best bite the bullet and get on with it.

Happy Mothers Day

Too late ...